2016-05-12

92

I find it increasingly more difficult to write musings. Usually I do one of these when I get really upset about something, but the things that upset me nowadays aren't worth mentioning.
   I feel upset because someone else is chosen over me to hang out with. This isn't something I should whine or complain about however, as I wish happiness for those I care about and I can't assure that the time spent with me would be better than it would've been with someone else. We forge our own happiness best with the happiness of those around us. If I force myself onto other then neither of us will be as happy as we could've been otherwise.
   When others ask me if anything's wrong I don't feel I can let them in on what's bugging me. "They preferred someone else over me" doesn't really have a solution other than to let it be and eventually it'll stop being an issue. I don't think I would want pity in these moments either, as I am well aware already that I am well liked and people enjoy my company.

Sometimes I get called out for being cold and too analytical. I can see why.

Until next time.

2016-01-01

91

I don't know why, but I feel an urge to write about my current state. I'll leave it for later to see if I get around to publishing this as I believe thag these thoughts are temporary and will pass with time.

It is currently 6:35 am on January 1st 2016. I am in my bed and have just turned of my computer.
   My New Year's Eve was not what I would call enjoyable. I got out of bed well after 2:00 pm and didn't eat until dinner was served. After eating and playing a couple of rounds of Geoguessr with my family I retreated to my room to play video games.
   As time approached midnight I realised I had missed the traditional broadcast of Dinner for One on the TV. This New Years wouldn't really be celebrated by me, and I realised I had barely lent Christmas a thought either.
   As I saw the wishes of a happy new year beginning to pour into my Facebook feed Incouldn't help but feel a bit jelous (or perhaps envious) of how happy everyone else seemed with their gatherings. It is my seclusion however, my self-imposed exile, that left me alone by the computer without anyone to talk to.
   Sometimes it's rather difficult.

Until next time.

Addendum: As was to be expected I feel much better after sleeping. I still don't know why I've felt especially cynical during this holiday season. Oh well. Here's to 2016.